Gilgamesh

GILGAMESH

Summary:
The story starts with the description of Gilgamesh's awesome city where he is kind of being a jerk (being tyranical, calling himself "Lord of the Hymens," sleeping with all the virgins, etc). The gods decide that he needs a balance, and build Enkidu, this awesome animal guy who hangs in the forest. Gilgamesh hears about him and sends a priestess to go tame him with sex (which she does), and come back to the city. Enkidu's seven day sexy-time disgust the animals and they de-friend Enkidu, who is left to be upset about the news that Gilgamesh is ruining a wedding. They get into a fistfight where they realize that they are pretty much equals... and that makes them equally awesome.
While still chest bumping, Gilgamesh decides that he wants to cut down all of the  cedar trees and kill the magical protector of the forest Humbaba, something that Enkidu squints at for a couple of seconds until he finally gives in. With the destroyed forest they make a groovy gate and boat they send back to Gilgamesh's city.
 Right after the battle, Ishtar the Goddess starts flirting with Gilgamesh, only to be turned down. No one turns down the goddess of love, so she immediately runs to her father who sends down a bull from heaven along with seven years of famine. Gilgamesh and Enkidu kill the bull in all of 8 seconds, and then laugh at how upset this makes Ishtar. Then they throw one of the bulls bloody thighs in her face. Like Carrie from Stephen King, the prom queen covered in blood is not happy, and all of the other gods note that one of the Trouble Twins has to die. Enkidu is chosen.
Enkidu dies, and Gilgamesh is reminded that he too will one day die. This upsets him, confuses him, angers him, and makes him sad... so he goes on a journey to find the one guy who will never die, Utnapishtim. He eventually meets up with ol' Utnap, who tells Gilgamesh that he just needs to chill out, enjoy the life he's got, take a shower because he smells, and not worry about death because it's going to happen to everybody, and then tells a really great story about a flood. Gilgamesh doesn't like this answer, so Utnap challenges him to not sleep for seven days, and then, maybe, Gilgamesh won't have to die. He lasts about  five minutes. Upset that he didn't win, he stomps away with his consolation prize: a plant that will reverse the age process. He leaves that on the ground, a snake comes and steals it (leaving skin as a consolation consolation prize), and Gilgamesh goes home and ends the tale right where it started: describing his really awesome city.

Reflection:
[coming soon]